Finding peace with my self image

This has been a great week of self discovery for me. I had the whole week off from teaching so I was able to focus on my dancing and myself. After many years of self doubt and a detrimental self image I think I have finally come to a place that I can be at peace with who I am.

After class today, my husband and I took a hike up to the top of Mount Diablo. Something about the fresh air and looking out onto the bay from the mountain felt so calming. Normally as a dancer I am filled with feelings of self doubt and anxiousness, but today I had an overwhelming feeling of Zen.

 My poor self image, like most dancers, started in the form of body issues. When I was younger one of the most talented dancers I trained with was waif thin. I, of course, wanted to be as good as her and I got it in my head that if I was as thin as she was I would be able to equal her in talent. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

I finally got over my teenage eating issues, but my lack of self esteem always seemed to follow me. Part of being a dancer is analyzing everything about yourself, and trying to achieve physical perfection. The pursuit of perfection does not come easy, nor does it come without some emotional speed bumps. When I quit dancing I had gotten to the point that I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without welling up into tears. I hated everything about myself: my body, my dancing, even who I was as a person.

What my break from dancing has taught me is that just being me is okay. Finding a way to like who I am and loving the things about myself that are unique not only makes me a better dancer but a much happier person. It is pointless for me to try to be someone else. I will never succeed, and who wants to be a second somebody else. I choose to be the first and the best "ME"....All six feet of me.